


you are your own home

by sourdieselouis



Category: Poetry - Fandom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-10-23 14:58:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17685665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourdieselouis/pseuds/sourdieselouis
Summary: A collection of my poems that I hope to publish one day.





	1. peaches

**Author's Note:**

> Please be kind, that is all I ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the beginning.

I was a ripened fruit when we first talked,

my heart swooning to be taken home.

The day we went home, you dropped the

grocery bag in the driveway where you

only bothered to pick up the strawberries

as I rolled behind a bush.

 

For some time, I was forgotten in the dark,

cold place. When you finally came back

for me, I was bruised, but you seemed

unhappy, too. I was confused, but it was 

okay because I hoped my sweetness

would take the bitter taste away.

 

However, you put me in a bowl where I

continued to rot, my skin becoming softer.

You only paid attention to me when you 

were hungry for something more than the

sour. It took me time to realize that I was

not the beautiful fruit you desired. 

 

For I was simply a peach, rotting away 

day by day, becoming more wrinkled and 

useless as you played the silly games with.

But soon enough, I was too disguised

with rot to be known, and my existence 

was through in the trash.

 


	2. how it is to be 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a concept.

from the change of blue to orange

the material becomes shorter, darker

red is painted on to sensitive skin

baby hairs are coated black

 

casual becomes something formal

with a waft of strong mahogany

the speed demons come out to play

something stiff and burning is available

 

a whistle follows the smell of bergamot

soon evaporated by sweat and tequila

wild motions, pulsing beats, hard breath

three thousand six hundred seconds

 

a broken surface above hidden by the ultraviolet

now glazed and oxygen gone from the roots

they stagger through the tangible world

from the change of orange to navy

 


	3. 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blue ocean floor - justin timberlake

The first time we met, we were blue. It was

Dark and cold, remember? Sometime at the 

Beginning of January, I think. We told each 

Other stories. I fell in love with your hair.

I’m pretty sure that you didn’t care. I was

Unaware this was going to hurt.

 

You walked into school for the first time.

There was girl on your arm which broke 

My heart, but nonetheless I smiled for you.

I reserved a spot for you in anatomy because

I was infatuated. I was stupidly determined,

But you only knew how to make people laugh.

 

February came around. It got colder outside 

And my nights got later. My abuser tried to

Kill himself. I turned to you for some ungodly 

Reason. It was the day before your seventeenth

Birthday. I cried all day, but I still got you balloons,

But a prettier girl beat me to that.

 

You screwed around with my only guy friend that cared.

March came and went with a silky blur. By April

I celebrated my birthday. You spoiled me. I felt like a 

Princess, but it turned out I was just a glass of 

Milk. Life continued into the month of May for prom.

You loved another girl, but that’s okay I suppose. 

 

Into June our bodies went. We danced the days away 

And slept all through the night. I wanted to have a day 

With my guy, but you came along too. This time there

Was another girl. You held her hand that day. I 

Stormed off and tried not to cry in front of you. My

Heart was broken, but who really cared?

 

I forgot July because I never felt included. I cried a

Lot in that lonely month. School started and I saw

You less and less. Hot days after school were the

Only times I saw you around. I thought we were getting

Close again as the year progressed. I even suspected

You had a crush. Oh how I was wrong.

  
  


You were there the night that I got drunk for the first 

Time. You came to my first party and did the same.

I think about you a lot, but I tell myself to stop the pain.

My friends tell me to find a guy worth my time. 

Even my momma is trying to look out for me now. I’m

Really starting to worry about the person that I am.

 

Ever since day one, I’ve thought about letting myself

Go. I’m sick and tired of holding onto something

That doesn’t even think I’m special. I get used and

Abused, but I still keep on going. Don’t be alarmed

If you don’t hear from me. I’m trying to do this for me.

I am trying my hardest to make it to next year with a smile. 


	4. something about the color red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the old, the new.

They say that liars never prosper, but

I stopped believing that when I saw

You draped on his arm. You claimed 

Something so very quickly that I 

Remember telling you all about. We just

Became friends again. What happened?

 

Some gummy bears, a smoke, and a

Bottle of whiskey later, it was like the

Stars realigned and set fate upon the 

Both of you. Of course I brushed it off

Because who was I to complain since

I look the way that I do.

 

Not only did you leave me in the dust 

For him, but you also left for everyone

Else. Eternity connected us. Only a 

Few hits one night made everything okay

With you. Maybe I just wasn’t right for you,

But I would have liked to know that sooner.

 

I can’t look at you the same anymore. I

Can’t look at him or anyone for that matter

With cheerful eyes. I have been stomped

Before. You knew that. I had secrets. You knew 

Those. Now it seems like you know everything

About me, and I know nothing about you.


	5. seulement moi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a struggle.

the brain processes logarithms 

yet we all speak sophisms

humans were her anathema

ever since the last flower died

 

white was the only color there

almost like her mother’s hair

it was thin and brittle sadly

which haunted her dreams

 

one two three round dots down

in hopes of removing the frown

a cold embrace was left behind

nothing more than a shadow

 

four five six more dots follow

the rectangular wood was hollow

sans the distorted asleep daisy

she hoped to be the new rain

 

seven eight not even to nine

the brewing storm said fine

now there was simply noir

she still didn’t see the flower


	6. take me home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> afterglow.

Each and every night I wished for you to come,

But you never once threw pebbles at my window

Like I thought all glorious princes did for their

Distressed heroines. You hopped on a steel 

Machine that shot you kilometers away from 

My side.

 

I stayed in my palace with many spinning records

While I watched the sky turn a fuzzy peach color

Every single night. I burrowed into the massive,

Ugly sweater you wore so damn often, nothing else 

But that. It reminded me of the time we watched that

One movie about Harvey Milk.

 

I knew at this point I was all alone, but I never

Stopped thinking about the home that I made in

Your arms. The palace I resided in now was nothing

Like the one formed in the back of your beat up black

Chevy. It hurt to know that this was how all love 

Stories actually flourished.


	7. hey, wanna hear a secret?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oregon/indiana

From the beginning, I could tell you were

Different. You brought out something else

In her that I couldn’t quite explain. At first

I was timid because of the past, but I 

Learned to accept and appreciate you just

The same.

 

I remember looking down at her phone

One day, and I saw hearts next to your 

Silly nickname that I still call you to this

Day. You may not know even half the 

Story yet, but I can assure you that you

Are the best.

 

I tease her about you, but I do it out of

Love. I know deep down she doesn’t 

Mind because it’s an excuse to talk about

You, and her eyes light up just at the 

Mention of your name even if it comes 

With a roll of the eyes.

 

I remember the exact scenario we were in

When she told me about the song you sent 

Her. I was so excited, but of course she made

A joke out of it. I’m making her listen to more

Country music, or at least trying to. I think if it’s

For you, she will.

 

Sure, you curve each other whether you want

To admit to it or not, but I see the love there.

It is something I only ever put in my stories and 

Poems. However, here I am writing about a real

Life, blossoming love story. A story that deserves

to be put on pages.


	8. man versus man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a room in france.

night falls

a drink in my hand

my face

death-laden

drunk by morning

struggling for

dignity

leaving behind

all of the glory

 

a sip of wine

smiling faintly

flirting with her

my image

still empty

drinking rather too fast

I am not sure

watching the men

marry


	9. doncaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for lou.

we hear in pastel yellow and pink

and feel in the aroma of apple pie

all because you had the courage

 

we taste beauty and authenticity

and smell perseverance and joy

all because of your determination

 

we sense insecurity, at times,

and fear of the pressing world

all because of a beautiful boy


	10. hmg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> self love.

you matched the aesthetic of their history

old in the heart, yet so lively and warm

it was the first time you appeared that way

after so many days of fading away

 

your feet felt the wood then the chilling water

your cheeks felt the warm sun above

your hair felt the soft evening breeze as

you ate baguettes and chocolate, drinking cider

 

this place was meant for you to flourish

it cured you of the pain caused by small town living

you breathed the city and scenery, holding on

you couldn’t seem to let go, and you never will

 


	11. cross-faded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> preservation.

fairy lights

dancing shadows

old, the new

scared and bored

 

unsure of home

but in love with

the thought

lonely yet bitter

 

laying here tonight

stoned to the bone

milking the last of life

born again, loved


	12. loft bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a sanctuary.

from the day of

watermelon gum

to peach cigarillos

and wintergreen altoids

i changed

 

then i hurt, seemingly

vindicated for the

reason why. now i

breathe in cold

air that cleanses me

 

pill bottle and sprite

cans litter the space

once a place of

stillness, now a place

of constant motion

 

dry skin, cracked lips

chapstick and lotion

barely help how the

bitterness penetrates

the only living soul


	13. poppy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 30 seconds.

hot americano, drenched in chocolate

cold tendrils, soaking the sun

bright noises, loud voices

another sharp pain taking me away

sticky and clouded from reality


	14. foreign

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> healing.

sick hearts full of blue

not so sweet like taffy

bitter like cough syrup

forced upon a small child

 

clouded by the smokiness

a tang in the air

skin hot and full of salt

no where to go but here

 

there isn't a chance

for anyone to know

such a simple equation

higher and higher towards dark

 

out of breath at the station

one train coming, never back

reluctantly letting go today

hands free, burden-less, home


	15. july 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at peace.

take me back to the place

that healed the hole in my

heart. a time of happiness

and warmth even in the

bitterness of the sea.

 

let's go to the museum

that grasped my heart. 

a location that contained

pure, mental, unadulterated

beauty and truth.

 

journey back to the place

where my heart raced in

fear most. a city that still 

made me smile and feel

joyous after a drink.

 

travel to the place that warmed

me from the inside and drilled

my skin. a town of soft tides

washing the shore and

a salty breeze.


	16. december 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> broken piece.

bass bass bass

loud claps

neon and sweat

alcoholic digs

pain free for

a moment

relish in freedom

tomorrow is

encased in pain

let go for now

grind, twirl, move

there is only now

close your eyes

breathe i stale air

listen carefully

as the beat goes

grab a hand or two

flow into the night

make time go slow

it's you and the stars


	17. bella

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beauty queen,

further persist, letting emotion show

kindness and acceptance all over

a smile, a laugh, a projecting voice

let me be heard today

 

sharing courage and confidence

something so very pure

proclamations of love and desire

there is no holding back


	18. skins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> added spice.

the pull of dark strength

formed into something

with cream, drinking

it in slowly

 

body covered in teal lace

hearts racing, one

tastes caramel, one tastes

peppermint, back and forth

 

smooth and easy, it's better

than the normal, more

touching than something

casual, hidden together


	19. untitled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an attempt.

the beginning comes without preamble  
doors closing, some more opening  
frail hearts trying to move on  
it's time, you know

a pain so real that all can  
feel, you're the only thing  
that matters no going back  
now

we are free to reach the stars  
even if the time isn't ours  
our hearts are together as one  
there is nothing you can't put us through

we will hold hands carefully in  
the night, climbing, climbing,  
climbing until we reach  
our destiny


	20. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another concept.

tired hearts aligned  
from confusion  
together we stand  
forward steady

an anchor, a rope  
left on the precipice   
of deadly hope  
sparking growth

quiet nights alone  
lungs collapsing  
air fuzzy, but full  
creative and powerful

scattered thoughts  
heads bent, praying  
arms up, reaching  
an exchange of kisses

started as two  
glorious and naive  
soon broken, beaten  
ended as one


	21. his

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a jumper.

soft lavender sheep  
with a silly bandana  
securing swirls so safely  
a chummy, sweet smile  
all gentle and pure  
painted on black and  
baby heels so high  
a kiss to the cheeks  
a ring to the hand


	22. a. 1

gentle wisps  
a brush of the hair  
maybe one tender touch  
that you hold close

never forget that,  
the moment of love  
only for you and   
your mind

stowed away in  
a beating heart,  
fear about to burst  
but happiness masking it

take one breath  
and it's all gone  
grasp it tight and  
forever have it


	23. a. 2

a curve of the mouth  
so beautiful it punctures  
the heart like sowing  
needles on the cushion

so far from what lost  
me, and so close to what  
brought me back to this  
imperfect reality

yet i am alone, the wind  
blows and flowers grow  
and i don't mind the  
bitterness anymore

i welcome the company


	24. a. 3

rocking on endless waves  
just to soothe me to sleep  
each evening as the   
sky turns peach and  
indigo, an uncanny  
representation of my   
spirit through the years


End file.
